i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
