Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
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I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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