do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
