The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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