GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Is it because I queefed?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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