sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
