What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
