girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This baby is an asshole
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm bleeding and have questions
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
