this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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