Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
sarcasm needs its own font
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
