my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
