I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
