I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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