so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i out mim tonsoeep
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
