Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
