How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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