i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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