hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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