Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
