just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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