i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
