i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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