Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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