The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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