hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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