I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
