Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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