I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
