Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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