____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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