i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
this is an emotional support booty call
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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