i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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