Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
