I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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