we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
