I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We had to coat check the pizza.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
