if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
