i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
