i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
