3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
