all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
