OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
