Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
