Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
