Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
