I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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