Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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