she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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