can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
