She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
