It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
