he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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