So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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