my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
