Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
