I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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