i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
