I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
