ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
