and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
