also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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