Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
