All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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