"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
