There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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