I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
