it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
