But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
