ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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