I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
