just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He better not be in your backpack
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
