dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
