dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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