No stitches, just platelets and will power
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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