are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
