I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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