we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
